It’s a wonderful moment, for everybody, as some go to eccentric parties with booze wine, and some have dinner with their families and some like me. Spend the last day… thinking. Lonely.
I cot a sickness a week ago. It’s mind numbingly tired some, I’m coughing blood from all the coughing I made. My ears are so inflated they don’t even let me hear my own voice clearly, my nose is always half closed and the other side is leaking mucous.
And I hear the faint laughs and speeches people at the other side of the house have. But me, alone in a room. Not even as comfortable as my bedroom.
I remember what I lost most, how was I…. Having a time. How I still had her, how I had myself… and in a couple of days the anniversary of my happiest days will come… and I, will remember how alone I can be. As a dreamer. As a drug addict.
In one year, I… took so many wrong options. And now… I’ve come back to square one.
No one professes love for me, and I don’t profess love to any. And I’m seek, and my body hurts, and my soul is darken. I broke. And I have not healed, I have not forgotten her, but I did forgot myself.
It’s funny now, how I’ve rewinded my life, I visited places I did 10 years ago, I even got as sick as I was 10 years ago, I behaved exactly how I did 10 years ago.
And now I’m tired, I’m used, sick, and tired. Maybe I was happy.
Maybe I was not.
But… damn…. I want to be there again.
If you ever doubt you can go low, here be evidence. Evidence of a man that doesn’t exist anymore.