Pill

I don’t like the pills

I don’t feel better

I know it’s one day but I already feel like shit

And uneasy experience in my body runs deep in my veins

I don’t feel relaxed I feel even more anxious after taking the anxious pill

I feel tired but I don’t sleep better.

I think the sleep pill worked.

But now I slept a bit little.

Am I destroying my body?

Are the psychologist and psychiatrist destroying my body?

I have hunger.

Intolerable hunger.

Will I get fat?

Will grow rashes? Or pimples in my skin?

I can’t concentrate, I can’t finish my game. And it’s there! It’s right there just a couple of steps to finish it.

She hid the side effects for the tiny little dose of a tablet.

Am I nuking it?

I look back. I was soo good. I was soo stable. But each month I’m deepening, I’m going down and down and down.

I will eventually loose my youth, loose my skills. Loose myself.

I don’t trust them. I really don’t.

Every time I yawn, for some reason my lymph nodes deactivate. They produce an inflammatory sensation, for a second I asphyxiate.

And the hunger

The intolerable hunger.

My stomach brawls and growls

I need to fight the hunger

I need to control myself

I need to fight myself

My anxiety isn’t chronic. Is it?

My depression isn’t chronic. Is it?

Oh god.

She asks how do I feel

Fuck do I know

I can’t tell you

If nobody thought you the word fear, how would you describe it?