is the universe testing me
is the universe checking whether im his plaything
is it laughing at me
is it playing me
fool me once
now fool me twice
and fool me as many times as you want
as much as you feel like
test me
brutalize me
destroy me
is this test
this test
to see
wether i have learned my lesson
have i learned my discipline
have i changed
for a year
pain and suffering have had the most protagonism in my life
and i am tired
i am tired that even the m girl comes
and shes is
maybe closer than the f girl to become real
the m gril stands for mutilation
but how could i blame the universe if it is i who have tainted my own hands
i want to abandon the past
i truly want to set it back
but it keeps reaching
it keeps returning and grabing me from the dark cloud
and how can i blame them, they are people
they have feelings
they want to reach out to me.
I can't torture them!
I can't play with them!
but i can't set them out!
I AM A CHANGED MAN
are you
jijijiji
you are nothing but a laughing stock
you will check that message
you will check that mail
you will see that status
you will await that reply
you will be anxious
you will pry your nails open as you did
you will return to your haircut
you will return to your uglyness
you will return to hell
no man changes
accept yourself
let love (or its lack of)
destroy you.
Nothing is real regardless of your grievious wounds.
and then...
and just then
I see a cockroach
a cockroach
a fucking cockroach
in my bathroom
a cockroach
A COCKROACH
MY HAIR
F
M
ME
COCKROACH
THIS
AGAIN
AGAIN
AGAIN
ITS LOOPING
ITS HUNTING ME
A COCKROACH
AGAIN
COCKROACHES AGAIN
WE DID NOT HAD COCKROACHES
THEY ONLY APPEARED LAST YEAR
AROUND THIS TIME
AROUND THIS PLACE
AND THEY NEVE CAME BACK
BUT ALL
ALL
ALL COMES BACK
ALL OF IT
ALL
MY HARI MY FANTASY MY MUTILATION MY GIRL MY MIRROW MY LONELYNESS MY FAILURE MY PAIN MY CHOICES MY ALL
IM NOT CRAZY
imscared