Now this one is different, it recurrs to the same as lingering sadness, but this time... it just
Makes no sense of things.
A deeply discomfort
An existential discomfort
Looking at the very confusing and problematic career choices to get any chance to hop on Canada, I get the frustating and exhausting sensation of... nothing
One day, it just. stop making sense.
I don't care...
I don't know what I should do.
I don't have any game besides this one
Well, I do. I have three gdds.
But.... I don't want to.
What do I do, gamedev? VFX? Installed Niagara to mess with it, and realised... theres level to this shit
I don't want to animate, i don't want to model, I don't want to rig, I don't want to draw, I don't want to code, I don't want to vfx, I don't want to web
I know how to do all of that. I how to make your stupid little games, I know how it works.
And....
I know none of those will make me happy.
I am not.. a happy man.
And the future doesn't look like it will change that.
I know I wanted to direct games one day... I know that was the only thing I aimed to do.
But... I don't even want to touch videogames.
But that...
The sadness...
The saddness and pityness
The emotional collapse.
It's exquisite.
It is sweet, to feel sad. Because the sweet misery passes through veins like feverish blood.
To be sad, is to prove reaction. And to react is to exist.
Thank M girl, you helped me even without knowing.
I hope I don't see you again.