The cycle is broken, F girl is gone, and seems for good this time, such is the confidence that I tell you about it. She didn't love me anymore, and there was nothing I could do about it. People go in and out of love, I guess. And for those who think that something lies beyond the veil, of course it's not as simple as that. But what are we gonna do about it? I did all she asked, but can't control her feelings about me. And I can hear already the groaning: oh no, this asshole is not gonna shut up about it for months.
Maybe...
And fresh out of the news happened like 21 minutes ago. It is a deep pain aching in my chest, but I am familiar with it already.
I guess I am just bored and tired of all the same coping and suffering. Can we just get over it already?
I wish there was... something, anything you could actually do. Like a way to process pain faster. I guess I'll just manifest it as laziness, a dull depression that simply lingers and drains your energy away.
And for the man that desires that woman. That covers himself in booze and misery.
Oh, Nastenka. Oh, you dear.
But what gives. I already know the story. I know the guy will kill himself, because of a dreamer. Of course, no good things will come to him.
I haven't told how little I go out of my house. I am a lone hermit. And I've seen the incels, I've seen the losers, I've seen the desperate souls who desire heavily to cope with their loneliness.
I guess I have no clue of how I'm gonna deal with this. For one, I am hungry. I am consciously blocking the emotions, maybe because a big part of me just feels tired. Listening to the same old sad songs, wishing death, missing her, feeling doomed.
I think there is something slightly satisfying in misery, something that pulls us in like a vortex.
What do I do, dear reader? If you ever exist.
I hope I'm a different man, that which appreciates the art in the misery, in the emotion. But also a man with defenses, shielded against the destructive terror and dread.
I think, what am I gonna do tomorrow? Will I cry? Will I miss her? Will I find another girl?
Well, in my curated opinion, I think I will just... do the same.
I am lonelier today. But it feels like a down spike rather than an all-time low record.
I suppose I'll process it outside of work hours.